Well, I have a few thoughts.
I have had 2 dear friends, and my aunt all mention that they have really been struggling with what it means to know that God LOVES you. Maybe I don't really understand that too... but I think if we did maybe we would act more confidently in that love, and think more confidently about ourselves. Maybe we wouldn't struggle with trusting him as much, because we would KNOW that he loves us. I don't really know a lot about those things yet... I haven't completely delved into some of those issues.
Also, this would end the 2nd time this year that Jess Samples has asked a guy on a pick-a-date by singing to him... only last time was just my friend (Laura) and me. This time, it was about 12 girls (3 rows) with dance moves and new lyrics to the song "Stronger" by kanye west. Thats right... we went around to all the guy dorms, and asked them one by one... singing to EACH INDIVIDUAL guy. The girls seemed like they had so much fun: which makes it all worth it: that was the point. I would never do these things just for the boys (regardless of how cool they may or may not be). In the end of the day... the girls I live with are great... and we gently encourage one another outside of our comfort zones. That made tonight so much fun.
anyway,
Prayer: some forgotten and powerful parts of the bible to read while studying prayer:
1. 1 Chronicles 6:18-21 and 1 Chronicles 7:11-22
2. 1 John 5:14-15
3. 1 John 3:19-24
not a lot... but these are not mentioned a lot and I tend to think of them as treasures.
I'm learning so much right now... so much about who I really am... and who I want to be... and the vast gap between the two...
It seemed like the bottom was all that I had until now
I'll give you my life, if you give me yours somehow.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thursday, November 15, 2007
hmmm... the end of a good day.
Well, here I am. just me. G is asleep in bed (she's been rather ill lately). just me, some sufjan, computer, and thoughts. here goes.
I have been studying Galatians 5 lately. It has been overwhelming. So many falsities in this passage that I used to believe for no reason before. Example? I'm glad you asked. I used to focus on the SPECIFIC fruits of the spirit listed and tried to have them. WELL... HELLO! that doesn't work: thats forcing those acts out. PLUS... scripture says "and things like these" showing that there are more than just that list.
anyway
Something that caught me off... was realizing that Paul was referring to an entire group of people. They were co-dependent upon one another for those gifts... and their intimacy with the Lord also was effected by the relationships they had with one another. It made me think about how important it is for me to be around followers for Christ: how it is essential because we are co-dependent. The work they do for the Lord, is equally the work I do. The mission trip they go on is equally your mission trip (you who give to them through prayer, finances or any other means). The work we do for the Lord therefore, really cannot build pride for ourselves if we look at it rightly, because so many other people encouraged us to those events through prayer, conversation, vulnerability, singing, living the word they profess... the list goes on. This is a team effort. It is my RESPONSIBILITY AND EQUALLY my JOY to hold my friends accountable... to pray for them, to trust God with THEIR circumstances too!
This has been really humbling, and yet empowering.
Alright... enough of that. Story time. So yesterday night I got an e-mail that said, "QUICK PICK TOMORROW NIGHT, COME AT 6PM READY WITH A DATE" (aka: a pick-a-date at Taylor only its VERY last min. so you are rushed to find a date). So I walked into the DC (dinning commons) today at lunch, and on my way out passed this guy that I've met two times, and once we hung out in my room for a little while and we talked about music. The conversation went a little something like this:
Jess: "Pick-a-date. Friday Night. See you there."
Justin: (he just nods suggesting a 'yes' and walks by)
THE END.
I thought that was really funny... and also cool. Later apparently he asked 2 of my friends if I was serious or just kidding because I didn't explain... well, at all. OOPS. Anyway, I thought that was rather comical. We also have a formal pick-a-date where we dress really fancy in December and go to a Christmas Banquet. I have NO idea who I am going to ask (or better yet... capable of asking).
I am in a very strange place right now: I mean, very very very very content. I feel like I have a good understanding of how important timing is in relationships now... and what pressure it can add... and at this TIME in my life... as a 19 year old... sophomore in college... jess samples.... with my ambitions.... I just am excited to make friends and am very very very very content (once again). its weird, cause so many people here arn't. That also makes it difficult to make friends (because those can sometimes be guys that are not content). Anyway... we are working with it. Its also new for me to stop reading into everything people do and say like 100 times more than necessary. That is FREEING. There is FREEDOM in not over-thinking, and not being too unintentional.
Today my friend Brittany and I were walking in the middle of campus... and she explained a REALLY cool story about how she has been freed from some intense financial bondage... and OUR conversation went something like this:
Jess: "wow thats great"
Britt: "I know... AMAZING even"
Jess: "Idea, wanna scream 'Freedom' on the count of three?"
Britt: "I'd love nothing more"
(1...2...3)
BOTH: "FFFRRRREEEEEDDDOOOOMMMM".
and he saw that it was good.
I have been studying Galatians 5 lately. It has been overwhelming. So many falsities in this passage that I used to believe for no reason before. Example? I'm glad you asked. I used to focus on the SPECIFIC fruits of the spirit listed and tried to have them. WELL... HELLO! that doesn't work: thats forcing those acts out. PLUS... scripture says "and things like these" showing that there are more than just that list.
anyway
Something that caught me off... was realizing that Paul was referring to an entire group of people. They were co-dependent upon one another for those gifts... and their intimacy with the Lord also was effected by the relationships they had with one another. It made me think about how important it is for me to be around followers for Christ: how it is essential because we are co-dependent. The work they do for the Lord, is equally the work I do. The mission trip they go on is equally your mission trip (you who give to them through prayer, finances or any other means). The work we do for the Lord therefore, really cannot build pride for ourselves if we look at it rightly, because so many other people encouraged us to those events through prayer, conversation, vulnerability, singing, living the word they profess... the list goes on. This is a team effort. It is my RESPONSIBILITY AND EQUALLY my JOY to hold my friends accountable... to pray for them, to trust God with THEIR circumstances too!
This has been really humbling, and yet empowering.
Alright... enough of that. Story time. So yesterday night I got an e-mail that said, "QUICK PICK TOMORROW NIGHT, COME AT 6PM READY WITH A DATE" (aka: a pick-a-date at Taylor only its VERY last min. so you are rushed to find a date). So I walked into the DC (dinning commons) today at lunch, and on my way out passed this guy that I've met two times, and once we hung out in my room for a little while and we talked about music. The conversation went a little something like this:
Jess: "Pick-a-date. Friday Night. See you there."
Justin: (he just nods suggesting a 'yes' and walks by)
THE END.
I thought that was really funny... and also cool. Later apparently he asked 2 of my friends if I was serious or just kidding because I didn't explain... well, at all. OOPS. Anyway, I thought that was rather comical. We also have a formal pick-a-date where we dress really fancy in December and go to a Christmas Banquet. I have NO idea who I am going to ask (or better yet... capable of asking).
I am in a very strange place right now: I mean, very very very very content. I feel like I have a good understanding of how important timing is in relationships now... and what pressure it can add... and at this TIME in my life... as a 19 year old... sophomore in college... jess samples.... with my ambitions.... I just am excited to make friends and am very very very very content (once again). its weird, cause so many people here arn't. That also makes it difficult to make friends (because those can sometimes be guys that are not content). Anyway... we are working with it. Its also new for me to stop reading into everything people do and say like 100 times more than necessary. That is FREEING. There is FREEDOM in not over-thinking, and not being too unintentional.
Today my friend Brittany and I were walking in the middle of campus... and she explained a REALLY cool story about how she has been freed from some intense financial bondage... and OUR conversation went something like this:
Jess: "wow thats great"
Britt: "I know... AMAZING even"
Jess: "Idea, wanna scream 'Freedom' on the count of three?"
Britt: "I'd love nothing more"
(1...2...3)
BOTH: "FFFRRRREEEEEDDDOOOOMMMM".
and he saw that it was good.
Monday, November 12, 2007
"There was one who was great in his strength, and one who was great in his wisdom, and one who was great in hope, and one who was great in love; but greater than all was Abraham, great with that power whose strength is powerlessness, great in that wisdom whose secret is folly, great in that hope whose outward form is insanity, great in that love which is hatred of self."
-Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard
I am almost done filling out an application to be apart of a Spring Break Trip with Taylor University to return to Amman, Jordan. The most exciting part of this to me: committing to support the people going on the trip with me. The leaders are lovers of the Lord (and also of each other since they are husband and wife).
I think this is a good idea for me. I am so thankful for this community. There is something beautiful about being able to keep you all up to date, and hear what you guys are doing, but equally... to be in a community completely absent of anyone from TSM. I think some of you might understand what I mean (really... i am just thinking Trevor... or Abraham... but I don't know if Abraham knows that this blog exists yet).
I have so many thoughts. On grace mainly. really... are you in bondage to some things of this world? is your definition of the typical Christian life summed up in Romans 7? or in Galatians 5? I pray that you do not live in the bondage of the nominal unsuccessful Christian life: viewing Romans 7 as the consistent explanation of your life: with no victory. Embrace freedom. Embrace Love.
There are incredible people in this community. I have every intention of purposing to know them!
Hey, I'm also NOT coming home for thanksgiving. I will be home for Christmas break though!!! :$ I will be very jealous knowing that everyone is home over thanksgiving (especially since all my cousins are officially married, engaged, and a brother who has a girlfriend) all of which are bringing their significant others to thanksgiving weekend. Well, I mean, I knew I'd eventually be the only single one in my family... it might as well start now right?! shesh (sigh)... here goes.
-Fear and Trembling by Kierkegaard
I am almost done filling out an application to be apart of a Spring Break Trip with Taylor University to return to Amman, Jordan. The most exciting part of this to me: committing to support the people going on the trip with me. The leaders are lovers of the Lord (and also of each other since they are husband and wife).
I think this is a good idea for me. I am so thankful for this community. There is something beautiful about being able to keep you all up to date, and hear what you guys are doing, but equally... to be in a community completely absent of anyone from TSM. I think some of you might understand what I mean (really... i am just thinking Trevor... or Abraham... but I don't know if Abraham knows that this blog exists yet).
I have so many thoughts. On grace mainly. really... are you in bondage to some things of this world? is your definition of the typical Christian life summed up in Romans 7? or in Galatians 5? I pray that you do not live in the bondage of the nominal unsuccessful Christian life: viewing Romans 7 as the consistent explanation of your life: with no victory. Embrace freedom. Embrace Love.
There are incredible people in this community. I have every intention of purposing to know them!
Hey, I'm also NOT coming home for thanksgiving. I will be home for Christmas break though!!! :$ I will be very jealous knowing that everyone is home over thanksgiving (especially since all my cousins are officially married, engaged, and a brother who has a girlfriend) all of which are bringing their significant others to thanksgiving weekend. Well, I mean, I knew I'd eventually be the only single one in my family... it might as well start now right?! shesh (sigh)... here goes.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
BURIED WRECKAGE MY SOUL.
is being completely shaken
in an excellent way.
everything I believe... everything I do... everything I think... everything I am
derives from my FAITH. from this RELATIONSHIP.
EDIT:
today...
I was having a dance party for Jesus with some friends in the Prayer Chapel at Taylor. if you have never been there... you probably should. Its beautiful. Most of my IWU friends agree. Anyway... most of my friends left and I spent a bit of time at the feet of Jesus. I explained a lot of my confusion to him, of where I am at... of not knowing what I am doing with my life... of finally determining what I want of my life... without ANYONE OR ANYTHING contraining it. and I told him that I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. We chatted about some intimate things... about my confusion about what the purpose of obedience is: to earn grace or to live in freedom after recieving grace... and which one of those I ACTUALLY live out.
I wondered how to get up from that place. There I was, just letting him know that I am confused... without recieving some DEEP CONFIDENT AUDIBLE voice of the Lord answering these questions for me. and yet I feel as if he did give me some understanding. Understanding that I cannot understand.
It was so clear: Jess, you think you would actually understand? you think if I explained to you MY ways... and what YOU will experience in your life...you would understand? Are you joking? I am I AM. So I read Galatians 5... and realized that I have the freedom to live in Christ. I have the freedom to be under his grace. I have the freedom to experience the Lord's presence. I don't have to worry about a legalistic repentance after each sin I commit PRIOR to coming into his presence. But because of this grace, because of his presence and being in it... I WANT to repent. I WANT change.
Soren Kirkirgard wrote this book called, "Fear and Trembling". I'll mention a lot of thoughts derived from it. He mentions the idea of Abrahams Faith. We mention it so casually. That Abraham was the Father of Faith. I have never thought about why. The man was willing to live each step out of FAITH... not LOGICAL THOUGHT. JUST FAITH. I am referring to his 3 day journey WITH Issac to Mosiah in order to sacrifice Issac- the son he loved. He tied him to the wood... he pulled out his knife... FAITH. I don't get it. I don't understand. But I know that his faith drove every action over his emotion, over his thoughts, over his logic. His faith determined each step. I want that. I want my life to mirror that.
So as I sat at the foot of Jesus, I gave up any and every worry I have: how could I stand up and walk away from the cross in Faith if I was worried? If I am dependent upon my faith... subsequently I find myself...
TRUSTING.
So I stood in faith, and walked in freedom thanks to the GRACE of God. and I walked to the DC and had some mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner with my friend: Dana. She's from Indonesia and also... cool.
mark the birth of a change
Free from the torment of sin
all this I'm giving up
Its not me
buried wreckage my soul
Its not me
So who am I now?
in an excellent way.
everything I believe... everything I do... everything I think... everything I am
derives from my FAITH. from this RELATIONSHIP.
EDIT:
today...
I was having a dance party for Jesus with some friends in the Prayer Chapel at Taylor. if you have never been there... you probably should. Its beautiful. Most of my IWU friends agree. Anyway... most of my friends left and I spent a bit of time at the feet of Jesus. I explained a lot of my confusion to him, of where I am at... of not knowing what I am doing with my life... of finally determining what I want of my life... without ANYONE OR ANYTHING contraining it. and I told him that I have no idea where I'm going or what I'm doing. We chatted about some intimate things... about my confusion about what the purpose of obedience is: to earn grace or to live in freedom after recieving grace... and which one of those I ACTUALLY live out.
I wondered how to get up from that place. There I was, just letting him know that I am confused... without recieving some DEEP CONFIDENT AUDIBLE voice of the Lord answering these questions for me. and yet I feel as if he did give me some understanding. Understanding that I cannot understand.
It was so clear: Jess, you think you would actually understand? you think if I explained to you MY ways... and what YOU will experience in your life...you would understand? Are you joking? I am I AM. So I read Galatians 5... and realized that I have the freedom to live in Christ. I have the freedom to be under his grace. I have the freedom to experience the Lord's presence. I don't have to worry about a legalistic repentance after each sin I commit PRIOR to coming into his presence. But because of this grace, because of his presence and being in it... I WANT to repent. I WANT change.
Soren Kirkirgard wrote this book called, "Fear and Trembling". I'll mention a lot of thoughts derived from it. He mentions the idea of Abrahams Faith. We mention it so casually. That Abraham was the Father of Faith. I have never thought about why. The man was willing to live each step out of FAITH... not LOGICAL THOUGHT. JUST FAITH. I am referring to his 3 day journey WITH Issac to Mosiah in order to sacrifice Issac- the son he loved. He tied him to the wood... he pulled out his knife... FAITH. I don't get it. I don't understand. But I know that his faith drove every action over his emotion, over his thoughts, over his logic. His faith determined each step. I want that. I want my life to mirror that.
So as I sat at the foot of Jesus, I gave up any and every worry I have: how could I stand up and walk away from the cross in Faith if I was worried? If I am dependent upon my faith... subsequently I find myself...
TRUSTING.
So I stood in faith, and walked in freedom thanks to the GRACE of God. and I walked to the DC and had some mashed potatoes and green beans for dinner with my friend: Dana. She's from Indonesia and also... cool.
mark the birth of a change
Free from the torment of sin
all this I'm giving up
Its not me
buried wreckage my soul
Its not me
So who am I now?
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