Quotes that depict (1) my insecurities (2) my emotional status of the day, which is fairly high which is unusual.

I'll sit and wonder, of every love that could have been... if I'd only thought of something charming to say -The Sound of Settling

This is the moment, that you know
that you told her that you loved her but you don't.
you touch her skin, and then you think,
she is beautiful, but she don't mean a thing to me.
-Tiny Vessels

The Unknown

The things of today will at some point be memories of yesterday. We will think back to these places, these people, and the events here, and we will remember very little about each moment, just some basic facts concerning our routines. But I want to remember the mundane. Im not sure I believe that anything is mundane anymore, mainly because those are perhaps elaborate portrayals of exceptional beauty that we have taken for granted. For example, I want to remember at what point on my walk back to English from the DC at noon, the sun comes above English Hall and warms my face. About how it felt to be accepted and valued by a group of people I'd just met: every moment of fear of a lack of acceptance and appreciation, and then the depth of my joy to see them look at me with some sort of value. Even to think about how familiar the keys of a laptop keyboard feel to my fingers, or the chord progressions on a acoustic yamaha guitar. I hope to remember as much of these moments as possible. Of the times I equally look at other people as they communicate (verbally or non-verbally) and I think about how much value my soul has for him or her, of how much I sincerely enjoy his or her company and like them.
I don't ever want to be someone who shares her thoughts with the expectation of affirmation from others. I hope to be around people constantly challenging my thoughts, and making me develop them further. But I also want to respect people who don't just as equally, and appreciate them for exactly who they are. I think there are so many prejudices in my own mind that I have not learned to own quite yet. That makes me sad. I don't ever want to look down on others.
I always want to appreciate the sun and its warmth, the company of friendly acquaintances, the uniqueness of someone taking part in a conversation with me for the first time (choosing to share a part of himself or herself at least briefly), the vibrancy of colors, the family that provides as much as they can, the mountains, the cities, the forests, the fields (or corn), the stars, the clouds that cover them, and

the God who has clearly already revealed himself through all of these things.

...Your Kingdom Come...

i painted my toe nails for the first time in my entire life today.

just thought I'd let you know.





i have a uncanny amount of thoughts right now that are overwhelming. Hence, why I have clearly been unable to sleep. Here it is at 3:15 AM and I'm absolutely incapable of rendering my mind done for the day when referring to Biblical understanding of our country, and how to view the world and the people of the world through the Lord's eyes. I am working on drawing that beautiful picture.


The Lord is a good God. I have lived a large majority of my life as a nominal Christian. Romans 7 and its inclusion of defeat and battle have paved the roads in my past. But now I choose to walk in a manner worthy of the calling of the Lord. As I walk in the Spirit, I will NOT gratify the desires of the flesh. This is a life of victory as I realize that the Lord has already COVERED MY SIN. He has already paid it all. He values me, because I am HIS creation. But he doesn't just value me for being me. He values me for being the woman he has created: He values my opinions, my growth, my convictions, my passion, and my gifts. He values those because he's either shaping them or he has shaped them and they are his. As imperfect as I am, I am capable through the propitiation of my sin, to approach the throne of grace with confidence, that I might receive mercy and find grace to help me in time of need. But all of this, every thought I have, every theory I put my trust in regarding politics of foreign policy, these things all derive from the gospel that I hold dear. I cannot life a life of faith in my God that is not also equally a life of believing first in the GOOD NEWS that includes quite a bit of faith. I would not live a life of faith without first asking a lot of questions about the Word of God and seeking discernment and truth in it.

Every conviction I have, I would like to come from the inerrant Word of God. I KNOW that is truth and I only want to put my hope in truth. All of this would not matter if it did not derive from the truth of the GOSPEL. God is so good, and I love him, and I love the Lord Jesus Christ, and I love him for his sacrifice, and example, and pray that the Lords Kingdom would COME. that he would be breaking down barriers to him, and opening eyes and softening hearts, and healing the broken and doing a lot of these things by using US as instruments now IN his Kingdom, in order to expand it.



does anybody read this?

...

I don't really have anything to say. I just didn't want my song listed as the latest post forever.

I like being back at Taylor. I think I'm making new friends (FRIENDS: the people that are still around when its not just convenient to do so). I cannot believe people care enough about me to do things like that, and I hope that friends see that through my actions because I lack the capacity to verbalize that sometimes.


I went out to coffee tonight. I honestly think I spoke the entire time. Poor soul... its crazy though: I don't think i've met anyone this year who seemed to sincerely care so much about me without really knowing me prior to that before. I feel like thats what John means when he says in 1 John that we are to, 'walk as he walked'. That was so encouraging and so humbling, to feel sincerely cared for simply because. Very cool, and very much like Jesus.

I'm so sick of my own voice... too bad its still in my head! So i'm going to bed.

silly jess, she needs to go sweepy sweep.